Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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