You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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