We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
