Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
