my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
