I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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