whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
