This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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