Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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