Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So vagazzling was a success
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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