I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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