This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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