He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
