I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
