glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
