I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
