glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
