If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
