when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
