Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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