I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
