Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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