Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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