I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
