Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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