He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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