I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
