His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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