didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
