I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
