So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
