if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
