I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
