You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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