Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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