Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
