WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
