There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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