i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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