went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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