Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
