Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
