porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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