Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
