I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
