mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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