I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
