So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
