im about as happy as oj after his trial
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
