Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
