Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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