It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
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i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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