I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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