I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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