I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
