It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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