I just saw a hot homeless man
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
