He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just pee around me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
