he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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