So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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