I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
