she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
