My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize