I just saw a hot homeless man
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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