my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
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I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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