just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
