After last night, I could never be a politician.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
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He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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