I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
