I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am midnight drunk by noon
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
