how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
