I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i will never coherently bang her
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
