Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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