So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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