Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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